Forgive but never forget

CNY is supposed to be a time to be joyous but mine was slight marred by an unhappy incident. During my days when I was single, friends and I will organise house visiting during the cny period and we collect angpow from friends parents and play card games to immerse ourselves in the festivities. Now that I'm married, I still try to find time to visit friends or invite friends over as part of the tradition. But what happen this year makes me think twice if I am going to invite this group of friends ever again.

On the 3rd day of CNY, we were invited to a friend house in the morning and also to have lunch. I have another gathering around 3pm that day so in between there were a few hours to spare. I thought I could either visit my uncle or invite friends over but I decided to opt for the latter. So on the 2nd day of CNY, I sent out sms to this group of friends, inviting them over to my place . Guess what, NONE of them replied, ok to be fair, one of my close friend did, that's it. The rest just kept quiet. At this point, you may ask why don't I call them, but friends who know me will know that I am the sms and email kind of person. And to give my friends the benefit of the doubt, it was a last minute arrangment cos it was just a day before.

What will you do if you have something on or find it too rush to fit in an appointment with your busy schedule? Tell the person that you are not free right, if you cannot make it, just say it, whats so difficult with that? For the record I have known them for like 10 over years, though not that close, the group of us still try to make it a point to meet up every Xmas, CNY and occassional gatherings. Perhaps I was just too naive to treat them as my friends or they take me for granted that no one bothers to reply at all?

I was a little perturbed by the lack of response but I thought to myself that maybe they are too busy to reply. So on the 3rd day of CNY, wife and I went to my friends gathering, (its the same group of friends that I'm inviting over to my house). When we meet everyone, none of them said if they will be coming over. One of my close friend help me to check with the others and they said they will be coming over and I also verified with one or two that they will be dropping by too. So after lunch around 12.30pm, we left my friends place and went back home to prepare some snack, goodies and waited patiently. As the time starts ticking away, there is still no one in sight. My close friend who was already at my place received a sms from one of our friends that he and a few others will not be coming, citing some excuses. I start to wonder my existence, why wasn't the message send to me but send to proxy to my close friend instead? It really makes me wonder again if I am a worthless friend or am I too unapproachable? Oh ya forgot to mention that on the 2nd day of CNY, right after I sent the invitation sms, one friend called to my close friend that he has something on and won't be coming over to my place. I didnt get to know it personally , but by proxy again. Perhaps my close friend has more 人缘 than me, that I admit. From then on, excuses started pouring in. Another friend upon receiving my sms that none has turned up, decided not to turn up as well, citing time as an excuse which I refuted right away. Another said she misread my sms and by the time she arrived at my place, I was already out. So was it a case of miscommunication or no communication?

First, none replied my sms to confirm if they are coming , second, others are somehow influence by others' decision not to come, or third, everyone is trying to be politically correct not to reject my invitation and at the same time not attending it, and lastly, I learnt that no reply means automatically that one is not coming, wow, what an assumption! (One of them blurted that if he didnt reply sms then it means he cannot make it and that he dont like to sms, rather call but I did not received either of them, excuses excuses ... This was during dinner at another friend's place dinner (same group of people). I could have just do a no-show as I wasn't in the mood since that afternoon but I am a man of words, and since I have agreed, I still show up but I kept quiet throughout the dinner.

It's the New Year season and I am trying to stay cool to not spoil my mood but in every positive or negative phases in life, we learn some valuable lessons. I'm glad I've gone through this now than later. It makes me sit down and evaluate what kind of friends I have here. Am I making a big fuss out of this? I don't see anyone feeling apologetic for not being able to come to my place, not that I'm desperately seeking for attention or sympathy. Reminds me of a song "You have to hurt", although its a song about love but one can relate it easily to friendship as well. Here's an extract, I've amended abit of the lyrics :)

"
You have to hurt - to understand
You have to get by the best you can
Until you hurt - until you cry
You won't know about friendship
And the reason you’re alive
You have to hurt

All that expectation
Too naive to really see
Maybe they knew better than me
It was better just to let them be

"

Get the gist of it? Yes, sometimes you have to hurt to understand how one feels in times like this. You may think I am petty or not forgiving but if you were not in my shoes, you will not feel the anguish and the disappointment of how I actually felt.

This sounds like bad karma, revengeful but I'm going to just try to forgive but never forget.